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Baby Making

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So, daddy asked mommy when she was ready to work on baby #2. Yea!!! Heavy stuff. The making the baby part (well the initial shoot the sperm inside part) is easy peasy, and loads of fun. The idea of actually planning on making a baby and it not being a happy accident is thrilling. Then there is the rest of the baby making process that makes me wanna pump my brakes, and the actual taking care of the baby that makes me wanna pull up the emergency break. After thinking about it seriously, I’m in no rush to have another baby glued to my breast. I’m not excited about being pregnant, having weird cravings and eating habits, hot flashes, emotional roller coaster rides, uncontrollable gas, heartburn, constipation, stretching, acne, nausea, memory loss, trouble concentrating, abnormal dreams, and other not so appealing side effects. Not to mention once the baby comes. Having to leave my poor child to go back to work. Which means I’ll be a professional pumper by the time its all said and done. Who will I leave my precious baby with? Where will I get the energy to truly care for and attentively love two children? As soon as Z is potty trained, fully talking, and basically independent, there’ll be another little one all over again. The cycle repeats. Oh A big one, tandem nursing. Yay!! Unless Z is weaned by then at which point I will be totally bummed because right when I get my body back It’ll be loaned out again for another 3 years! That is a long time to have children dangling from your breast(I’m thinking about my freedom here; that’s a total of 6 years).
From all that I’ve written it sounds like I’m loathing the thought. I’m not. I’m excited to welcome a new member into our expanding family. I’m just nervous and thinking realistically. I’m not sure if my line of thought is selfish or not (really don’t care, just releasing). I do want at least 4 children and Z will be 3 this year. I’m really in no rush. At the same time my husband and I did not plan for Z. This is going to be our 5th year anniversary and when we were supposed to start working on our first. So technically this is all a part of our original plan. I’m just nervous. Plus I feel as if I’m just getting my life back on track. From becoming a wife and mother, leaving the society, to getting back into my career. I just wanna take my time and enjoy the moment.
I’m excited, hopeful, nervous, and hesitant all at the same damn time.

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