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Ablactating !!!!

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You read correctly people. Ablactating is a bitter sweet process. How long I’ve fantasized about the day I’ll no longer be a heifer{that’s always the way I felt and looked}, acquiescing to every request on demand regardless of the time, place, or situation. Please don’t misunderstand, the experience is irreplaceable. Have you seen Avatar the movie? Imagine a spiritual, physical, and emotional bond designed by nature. All of your hopes, dreams, and desires, breath, life, and love transmitted psychically. Once you plug yourself in, the connection is electric and communication is telepathic. It’s esoteric!!! So much so that it’s only your two souls that truly know, feel, and comprehend. Intellectual understanding requires translation from our essence; pure emotion, ethereal. Divine  transference of all that is good, wholesome, noble, wise,  pure and true. This picture I’m attempting to paint is faint when compared to the act. The actual experience…  Love!!

 

Is it all bliss all the time? I think NOT!!! My breast feeding journey has been a roller coaster ride for sure. The first few months were the worst from bloody and scarring nipples to growing spurts when he stayed latched on to my breast all day long. Leaving the house was not option some days. Whatever, I hardly had any place to go back then. Besides once he turned one he’d be a big boy, right? He wouldn’t nurse as much, right? WRONG! I remember sometime after he turned one and those molars were growing, he used my breast to soothe his aching gums {i.e he stayed on my breast morning, noon, and night; just latched on so he had pressure on his gums! and when he did suck it was super suction}. My breast were sore and I seriously considered giving it up. I was miserable.  I never had a moment to myself and I was in pain, oh, but every time I looked into those beautiful brown eyes and seen him in pain I couldn’t stop.Not only did I lack personal time I also lacked time with my husband. Z taunted his dad while nursing. There was a serious turf war going on in my household, and my little guy came out on top every time. I speak of my breastfeeding experience in the past tense, well,  because I’m in the process of ablactating. One morning Z was kicking his dad in the face while nursing and that was it. His dad went loco. ” I cant take kangfu Panda anymore!! This has got to stop. When are you going to wean him?” He was livid.  I’m all nonchalant  about the whole ordeal, waiting for him to calm down, but it didn’t happen. He brought up valid points and reasons why I need to put an end to this “torturous act,” and I just wasn’t feeling nearly as passionate as he was about it. That moment was most definitely a turning point. Zion knew he could have Kai Kai on demand, so vegetables or any other healthy food he didn’t need to eat to be full and satisfied, and he chose not to eat {shrug}. His demand for my breast interfered with my man’s. I know it sounds crazy, but it was. I was sleeping in Z’s room nursing him to sleep, waking up hours later and going to my bed; Talk about cock blocking!!

 

Fast forward to now. My baby gets Kai Kai only in the morning, when the sun comes up. Oh, and he knows oh so well. He says, “Mom I get Kai Kai in the morning?!” ” Yes baby,” “When the sun comes up?’ “yes Z when the sun comes up,” I confirm. This exact conversation , word for word, comes up every single time he has the urge to nurse throughout our time spent together.  It”s a trip because now he doesn’t just latch on to tease his dad anymore since it isn’t an option. Instead, he grabs my chin and kisses me while looking at his dad. Hey look, I’m just sharing here. I love my family and it’s bitter sweet ablactating. On one had it’s a hell of a relief, on the other He’s only going to be young once. On a selfish side note, my boobs are now raisins. Not even prunes ya’ll raisins; dried out and shriveled up. UGH!!! I care{ I know its so shallow, but I started out barely A to C and now who knows if I can even fit an adult bra},  and I will have a tribe in the future so then I’ll have full breasts.  Bottom Line—> Bitter Sweet!

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